The ultimate supermarket throwdown: Whole Foods vs Trader Joe’s. Do you prefer authentic and healthy food, or would you rather pay less for less?
Whole Foods vs Trader Joe’s
Everyone knows that Whole Foods is the premier supermarket for great food. Their brand is that they got all the great eats with no added nonsense. If you value staying alive, putting high quality things in your body is a safe play. The problem is that shopping at Whole Foods will destroy your wallet like a Taco Bell patron at a rest stop bathroom.
Trader Joe’s has many high-quality items, but it’s more about the idea than the reality. TJ’s creates an experience that feels like everything they sell is safe from chemicals, GMOs, or other trending terribleness. This is far from the truth. If you like to eat shrimp from slave-labor boats, then Trader Joe’s provides the access with a farmer’s market shopping experience.
Why Does This Even Matter?
Honestly it doesn’t. Forget the battle of Whole Foods vs Trader Joe’s, because honestly everyone is just going to shop at the closest supermarket anyway. If you need to decide between the two, decide what you fear more: chemicals or debt collectors.
WARNING: If you bring a dog to Trader Joe’s they will salivate. Not because the establishment is so appetizing, but because TJ’s is like a country-side schoolhouse with all their bell ringing.
I personally can’t stand the stuff, but there are a lot of people out there that slurp this junk up. They can’t get enough of it. Whole Foods does provide a solid selection of choices. Their stock is rivaled only by specialty corner grocers that will go out of business for wasting self space on 29 different kombuchas.
If you hate kombucha then definitely don’t shop at Whole Foods. If I had to pick a mascot that embodied the mantra of Whole Foods, it would absolutely be a kombucha home-brew kit. Trader Joe’s doesn’t give kombucha the attention Whole Foods feels the beverage deserves. And it’s no surprise. TJ’s ain’t really all about that health life, yo.
Legit don’t take my advice. I have no expertise. I’m not qualified to talk on the subject of Whole Foods vs Trader Joe’s. I’m a pundit who admits he knows nothing, which might actually make me the most qualified. But I digress. To learn more about these establishments, check out the links to their homepages:
Did We Mention Gay Bars?
During the live performance we made a sad attempt at naming the top 10 gay bars in Philly. It’s very entertaining, so you should listen to the podcast. I will take some time to spoil part of the list:
It’s been years since I went there, but luckily I don’t need that memory to know they’re awful. The owner was caught using the N-word. And this isn’t hearsay. He legit was filmed using a racial slur. Now ICandy’s no Timberland policy makes more sense. This establishment is riddled with hate, so it was an easy pick to be at the bottom of the list.
As for the rest of the list I think we decided that U-bar was number one? You’ll just have to listen to find out! To be honest this was probably just an excuse to talk smack on ICandy, which is legit.
Here’s my sad attempt of photoshopping together an image of us. This is what happens when you have too much fun and forget to take pictures.
Return guest who continues to kill it at comedy. She now teaches Improv at Good Good Comedy Theater. Word on the street is that her classes are dope. I would know because my roommate told me, and his word is infallible, so yeah my roommate is “God” … maybe it’s just me?
Anyway … Check out her latest happenings on Instagram.
He’s a stand-up comedian, podcaster, and show producer. A champion of all degenerates, Chris hosts This Delinquent Life. The podcast and live show are both spoofs of This American Life, but with delinquents, degenerates, and other jay-randoms. It’s super fun. I’m on it.
Keep track of all his happenings on Twitter.
He’s funny. Duh. Go see him perform things. He’s the co-host of Hang On with Aaron Nevins. It’s a comedy talk show located right here in Philadelphia. Yeah that’s right, Philadelphia. Show is so poppin’ that saying Philly didn’t pack the same punch.
If you can’t make it to Hang On, then like his jokes on Twitter.
Everything Bagel Pretzel Crisps
I used to eat these things every day as a snack at work. I had one of those cubicle jobs, and when I worked at a desk I like to graze. Everything Bagel Pretzel Crisps were my pasture of choice, and boy did I love them. That’s until my bowels went haywire. My stool turned green with rainbow chunks. It was unsettling to say the least. After further inspection I realized that these crisps have a bunch of chemicals in them. Worst of all soda is one of the ingredients!
Needless to say I stopped eating them. And if it’s no surprise, in the battle of Whole Foods vs Trader Joe’s I pick Whole-F’s. My tummy is a sensitive boy, and I need high-priced kale to please him. It’s also just worth my sanity to know that my groceries and meats and fish aren’t going to pin me to the toilet. There’s value in sanity for sure.
There is value in value, so haters I hear you on Trader Joe’s just being cheaper. I still shop there when I’m in Center City. Much love and respect to how well they do their checkout at that location.
No live performances I can announce at this time, but several dates coming up before the end of the year. Make sure to follow us on the social medias to stay informed.
Thank you for listening and reading. You could have done anything with your time, but you chose to carve out some minutes for us. Thank you. It’s greatly appreciated. See you next week!